How to Practice Self Compassion
Self-compassion means showing kindness to yourself and accepting yourself for who you are, imperfections and all. Self-compassion does not mean giving up on growth and self-improvement. Instead, it's about understanding that you are a work in progress, with strengths and weaknesses, and knowing that is okay. You probably show compassion to others without giving it a second thought. Imagine your best friend just went through a break-up. They tell you the story, and you reassure them that they’ll get through this, and they'll be okay. You don’t judge your friend, you don’t tell them they are not worthy, or that they need to change. You show your friend compassion.
For many people, it’s easy to show compassion to others. Family, friends, and strangers are met with kindness and understanding, despite their flaws. At the same time, many compassionate people are critical and unforgiving of themselves. They hold themselves to a standard they would never demand from others. They struggle to practice self-compassion. Practicing self-compassion is easier said than done. After a lifetime of self-judgement, this habit is difficult to break. With practice, these reflexes can be unlearned and replaced with self-compassion. Here are several healthy tips that may help in developing self-compassion.
1. Have a Fair Attitude Toward Yourself
Practicing self-compassion means treating yourself kindly and fairly. It’s about having an attitude of acceptance toward yourself, rather than judgment. Self-compassionate people believe that they are good, well-meaning, and competent. When they make a mistake at work, it’s just that—a single mistake. People who are not self-compassionate often assume the worst about themselves. A mistake at work is viewed as something much bigger, such as a personal failing. When you’re critical and judgmental of yourself, you’re more likely to experience unhappiness, insecurity, and anxiety. When you treat yourself fairly, you are better able to manage these uncomfortable feelings.
2. Accept Yourself for Who You Are
Many of us have ideas about who we "should” be. A man might believe he has to be strong, brave or a mother might believe she always has to put her needs last. For many, not matching these ideals feels like a flaw. While some men are strong and brave, others are shy, and emotional. While some mothers do put their needs last, others value their career as much as their family life. Everyone is different, and that’s okay. People who are self-compassionate accept themselves for who they are, rather than who they “should” be. They take pride in their unique characteristics. For example, a self-compassionate man who is emotional might view himself as being deeply connected to others, rather than having a weakness. Self-acceptance does not mean loving every little thing about yourself, or believing you are perfect. It means accepting yourself for who you are, rather than who you are not.
3. Take Care of Yourself
Even when life gets busy, it’s important to look out for your own health and happiness, and take care of your needs. This means eating regular meals, getting enough sleep, taking time for fun and relaxation, or whatever it is you need. Taking care of yourself is not the same as spoiling or overindulging. Self-Care Habits Might Include taking a day off work to relax, exercising regularly, but taking rest days as needed, rewarding yourself with a treat when you meet a goal.
4. Accept That Struggle is Normal
When you feel bad about yourself, or when you make a mistake, it might seem like you’re the only one. Remember that no one is perfect. Being imperfect is part of being human. Everyone has bad days, loses their temper, and makes mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes are really big. Whatever your struggle, try to put it in perspective and remind yourself that it’s normal to have flaws and make mistakes, even if you don’t always see them in others. Recognizing that your struggles are normal gives you permission to feel self-compassion. Try telling yourself: “No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes.”, or “I’m not the first person to make this mistake.”
5. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness and being fully aware and present in the moment are essential for self-compassion. By being mindful, you notice your self-critical thoughts and respond to them with kindness instead of judgement. Mindfulness can help you recognize when you are being judgmental toward yourself, ignoring your needs, or failing to see your struggles as normal. When you take a step back, you can see things more clearly. Mindful statements you can tell yourself include: “I am treating myself judgmentally. I know I'm not being fair to myself.” or “I feel angry at myself, but that does not mean I am a bad person.”
